What Every Bride Should Know When Planning A Wedding

The actual physical location of your ceremony and reception will largely be determined by where you live and what you can afford. With that said; determination, imagination and some creative tricks can go a long way in minimizing both location and money obstacles.

One of my brides wanted to marry in Hawaii but for several reasons that was not possible. An evening wedding was planned for the backyard of the bride’s parent’s 1960’s ranch style home for about 75 guests.

The bride and groom decided they still wanted an island wedding and so I began to create a tropical setting right smack in the middle of landlocked suburbia.

The first thing was to was rule out all the old cliques; wooden tiki god statues, coconut cups, volcanoes with flowing lava, grass skirts, plastic of any kind and of course the thatched roof bar. This was a wedding not a clam bake. The bride and groom wanted a casual but somewhat sophisticated look and feel and this is how they got it.

The emphasis was on creating an illusion. When planning a theme don’t try to recreate an exact replica, it’s impossible especially when it’s a location theme. What you want to do is create a mood, an illusion really, an abstract much like what is done for a theatrical stage production. The human imagination is an incredible thing which when the senses are teased with sound, sight, taste and scent the mind begins to fill in the blanks and an illusion becomes an experience.

I began by renting an assortment tropical trees and plants of varying sizes and textures. Garden burlap was draped over and around the plant containers and brushed with floor adhesive and covered with sand creating what looked like small sand dunes. The look was completed by adding stems of tropical flowers that had been inserted in water tubes and placed randomly throughout the display, rocks, bunches of bear grass and both Spanish and sheet moss were also used. And a focus area was created for where the actual ceremony would take place and where the cake would be setup later.

Tiki torches and up-lighting defined and accented the area for the ceremony and the reception; the wedding took place at early dusk and two sound systems were used, one for the music and the other for an ocean soundtrack that played softly and continuously throughout the evening. This is very important; if you are going to have a location soundtrack (ocean, rain forest, etc.) it needs to be unobtrusive. It is subliminal background noise and should be soft and continuous just as it would be if you were actually at a beach house in Hawaii. Place the speakers around the perimeter or in the trees or shrubbery. It is better to have several small speakers than a huge pair of speakers blasting away, save the huge speakers for another time.

The reception featured Hawaiian music and light jazz; the buffet consisted of roast pork, vegetables, assortment of tropical fruits and breads, sushi, jasmine rice and a tropical signature drink available with or without alcohol. The guests were asked to dress for an evening in Paradise. Round picnic tables were used instead of the traditional luau seating (on the ground) out of consideration for the older guests and the table umbrellas were lined with lights. Tiki torches were originally planned but did not provide adequate light. The umbrella pole and table opening were covered with Spanish moss, sand, tea-lights, and flower petals extending out about 8 inches in diameter create a tropical centerpiece.

The bride kept personal flowers to a minimum, there were no corsages or boutonnières, attendants carried one stem of orchids and the bride carried only a small casual bouquet of orchids and gardenias and wore an orchid lei and the groom wore a traditional Hawaiian Maile Lei.

The slab style patio was used for the dance floor. Tropical plants were again used and placed around the patio highlighted with up lighting. The buffet table was lit using string lights underneath the table skirting and with small tiki torches that were inserted into the three large tropical arrangements placed on the three buffet tables setup in corner style. Silverware and cloth napkins were already on the reception tables, making it easier for guest to maneuver food and beverage.

This wedding turned out to be one of my all time favorites. The lighting, the mood, the music, the food… it was all perfect. So many small details made this wedding great. Lighting and audio played such a major role and because of that electrical cords posed a real problem. To eliminate the trip hazard posed by the cords I created a pattern using twine and stakes by positioning the tables and other traffic areas that required lighting; then the using a flat shovel the sod was cut at an angle along the pattern and threading the outdoor electrical extension cords through PVC pipe, the pipe was then slipped into the cuts and the sod flattened over the top. Writing this it seems so easy but it actually took a great deal of time to create a workable pattern, threading and connecting the pipe and making safe connections but this small detail made an enormous difference.

Another detail that made a big difference was using burlap as an under-liner for the all the sand used and it made clean up a lot easier as did the fact that the tropical plants used were for the most part rented and kept in their original containers. Let us not forget the parking which is always a major concern for home weddings. This particular home was located in a cul de sac which offered very limited parking. In this case a nearby church was contacted and the family was given permission to have their guests use the church parking lot and a shuttle was provided to and from.
In short, never dismiss your dream and never overlook the details.

You can add a sophisticated and an elegant personal touch by using crystallized edible flowers on your desserts, salads, ice cubes and garnishes. Here is how you can create these lovely edibles all you need is time, space and patience. Just a note, although inexpensive, creating crystallized (candied) flowers can be messy and very time consuming.

To create crystallized (candied) flowers, flower petals are prepared and then covered with a meringue paste and completely coated with super fine sugar. If you decide this is a project you’d like to try, make sure you have plenty of wire racks and lots of counter or table space for drying the flowers. If you have experienced a problem with ants or roaches you may want to reconsider the project. Flowers can take from 12 to 36 hours to completely dry. It’s not just the meringue paste and sugar that is drying it is the moisture within the flower and trying to speed up the drying process with a hair dryer or fan does not work. It will however coat everything in the room with a fine film of sugar that takes forever to clean up. Yes, this is the voice of experience speaking!

I do not recommend this project for young children or for those lacking in patience. Each individual petal must be completely painted on both sides with the meringue paste using an artist’s brush. (Fresh meringue should not be used because of salmonella bacteria.) The limp coated petals are then positioned or arranged on the drying rack. Using a rack with too much space between the wires will cause your petals to fall through and you will need to redo the entire process. A rack for barbecuing fish seams to work well. You can also buy window screening. Be sure to wash and dry the screening first and then you can lay it on top of the racks. Although the end result can be very lovely and wonderful the process can be a real headache.

So for all you brave hearted souls who wish to venture on and do it yourself, here are a few basic rules of crystallizing editable flowers.

1. Check with your local County Extension Service to make sure the flowers you want to use are edible. Not all flowers are editable some are quite poisonous.

2. Make sure that flowers have not been sprayed with insecticides, pesticides or other chemicals. If fertilizer has been used it should be approved for vegetable gardens. Of course the ideal situation is to grow the flowers yourself, preferably in an area that is protected from animals.

3. Do not pick flowers from the side of the road, flowers that have been exposed to animal wastes, or trash or vehicle emissions.

4. Do not use flowers from a florist or commercial grower. Chemicals are used to preserve and extend the life of cut flowers.

5. Know how the flower tastes. Just because it’s editable doesn’t mean it is going to taste good, some flowers just taste awful no matter how much sugar you put on them..

6. Pick flowers early in the morning before the sun has warmed the petals.

7. Remove the stem, all leaves and the stamen just before coating and dipping in sugar

8. Allow an entire day for this project and have all your supplies at hand.

9. Allow 12 to 36 hours for crystallized flowers to dry. (Do not use a fan or hair dryer unless you want sugar everywhere.)

10. Make a list of the editable flowers used and have it available at the reception just in case a guest has an allergic reaction. (How many of us know if we have a food allergy to pansies.)

11. Wait until the last minute to put crystallized blooms on a cake they will absorb moisture from the cake and become soggy.

12. Don’t try to use regular sugar it doesn’t work. (I tried it.) You must use super fine. (Super fine sugar is just that and it goes everywhere if there is the slightest breeze.)

13. Crystallized flowers can be frozen in an airtight container for up to 6 months, or stored in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to a month.

RECIPE:
Crystallized /Candied Flowers

Prepared blooms - Commonly used flowers are violets, pansies, Johnny-jump-ups, rose petals, lilac, scented geraniums

Meringue paste (Use powdered egg whites to avoid salmonella, available in craft stores. Price $4 - $7 )

100 proof vodka (optional, used to help the flowers dry faster)

Superfine granulated sugar (from the baking section of your supermarket)

Artist’s paintbrush (fine)

Drying racks

Prepare the meringue paste beating until frothy. Add a few of drops of vodka to help the flowers dry faster. Paint each flower on both sides with meringue paste using the artist’s paintbrush. Be sure the entire surface of both sides of the flower is completely coated, or your petal will be ruined.

When thoroughly coated, cover with fine sugar and place on the drying racks for 12 to 36 hours.
Flowers are dry when stiff and brittle to the touch.

Flowers can be stored in an airtight container and put in the freezer for up to 6 months or refrigerated in an airtight container up to a month.

If you decide this project isn’t your piece of cake but still want candied flowers, they can be purchased from the Internet and are sold by the package. Packages can vary in size anywhere from 20 to 100 depending on the flower chosen. Flowers range in price from fifty cents to a dollar each depending on the size and type of flower ordered and expect to pay additional fees for shipping and handling.

Pearl studded candles look and are expensive to buy but they really add a touch of elegance to any event. Fortunately, studded candles are very easy to make and require only a pair of good wire cutters and box a of boutonniere pins. I prefer the white pearl head pins but the pins are available in various colors and sizes and usually come 144 to a box.

You can create any pattern you like but if you’re not terribly artistic it’s probably best to stick with something simple. A diamond pattern for example is easy and has a very elegant look. For a unity candle using a pair of decorative edged scissors a photo of the pride and groom can be trimmed and placed on the candle using decorative pins or studs to frame and hold it in place.

The Diamond Pattern - Cut the pins ¼ inch to a ½ an inch long and you may even have to go shorter when cutting for a taper. Trying to insert a 2 inch pin into a candle is not easy and will usually result in a damaged candle and a bent pin.

Tapers can usually handle 4 pins in the 1st row and 3 in the second. A taper that is ¾ of an inch in diameter will measure 2 ¾ around. A standard 15 inch taper leaving 1 inch at the top and bottom will need 92 pins following the 4 - 3, inch between rows design.

The number of pins used is up to you but spacing too close in a taper (long skinny candles) can damage the integrity of the candle.

Pillar candles come in so many different sizes it’s hard to give an exact formula. I think the best way to determine the number of pins needed is to measure the distance (circumference) around the candle. On a pillar candle that is 3″ in diameter the distance around the candle is 10 ½ inches. Placing the pins ¾ of an inch apart, the first row will take 14 pins and to create a diamond the second row will take 13 pins. You will need approximately 122 pins to cover a candle 10 inches tall and 3 inches wide if you are leaving 1 inch between rows.

If you’re afraid your pins will be all over the place take a piece of tape and put a dot every ¾ inch and tape it just below where you want your 1st row to start and use it as a guide, do the same for the second row making sure the dots are between the pins in the first row.

Unity candles are expensive and quite frankly, after the wedding become dust catchers if left out and or they are tucked into a drawer never to be seen again.

Here are just a few ideas for a Unity Candle you can make for a fraction of the cost. All the designs were created in MS Word and printed using cling type of window decal sheet found at the computer store. The small circles used in the designs represent pearl head boutonniere pins.

Summer weddings are often outdoors and when a  couple wants to include a unity candle to the ceremony they are often faced with  how to keep the candle lit. Sometime ago I experimented with various candles and wicks and finally came up with a trick.  I’ve used this little trick for many years, and it’s never failed.

The trick is a wick exchange. Replace the existing wick in your unity candle  with the wick of a trick birthday candle, the kind you can’t blow out.

Take a very fine drill bit and bore out the the unity candle wick. Remove the wax from the trick candle wick by just breaking the candle in half and sliding the wax off of the wick.  The wax on the trick candle has nothing to do with the candle reigniting; it’s a small thread of magnesium in the wick that burns at a low temperature that causes the wick to ignite even after it’s been blown out.

You don’t have to remove all of the existing wick, simply go down far enough, about an inch to 2 inches and insert the trick wick, leaving about an inch of wick at the top of the candle to light. This works very well in pillar size candles.  If the hole you have bored in the unity candle is too large for the new wick, simply dip the trick wick in melted wax before inserting.

Changing out wicks can be done several months ahead of time and it is a very good idea to practice on an old candle first. The smaller in diameter the candle is the more difficult it will be to change out wicks. With a little practice you’ll have a unity candle that will stay lit no matter how windy. Have fun!

Years ago a full bar was the norm at most formal weddings but with rising costs and liability laws tightening, wine and beer, which have a lower alcohol content, have become the most popular choice for weddings.

White wine, which is requested more often by women, is more popular in warm weather months with an Oregon Pinot Gris and Italian Pinot Grigio the most refreshing followed by Sauvignon Blanc. Chardonnay, although extremely popular, is not quite as refreshing on those warm summer days.

Red wines are requested by men more often than women and are said to be more popular with beer drinkers and served more during the cooler months. It has been my experience however that red wine is being requested just as much during the summer as the cooler seasons.

If you are planning on buying your own wine for the wedding your best price will be a case price. And if at all possible buy directly from the vineyard. I live in Oregon’s Willamette Valley where some of the finest wines in the world are produced and the selection is incredible. The idea of going to the supermarket to buy a case of wine is almost sacrilegious. Most vineyards have case prices but be sure to ask before you place your order if you can delay pick-up or delivery until shortly before your wedding date.

I recently spoke with Tim Pickett, Marketing Director for Viridian Wines at Olsen Family Vineyards. This particular vineyard produces an exceptional Pinot Gris and Pinot Noir. I asked Tim about Viridian case ordering with delayed delivery. “Here is how it would work with us. We would be willing to do an advance order and would usually want a 10% deposit. We would issue a contract and then set up a system reminder in order to ensure that the wine was delivered on time. In case of cancellation, they would lose their deposit to restocking, but other than that, we’d be completely willing to work on that basis.”

Most red wines taste best at 60 to 65 degrees. The phrase you hear most often is “serve at room temperature”. That does not mean if you’re in the middle of a heat wave with no air conditioning your wine should still be served at room temperature. Common sense people, you gotta use common sense.

White wines, rosés and sparkling wines taste best when they have been chilled to about 52 degrees. Please, do not serve these wines ice-cold, or heaven forbid poured over ice. An hour or two in the refrigerator is plenty of time to chill a bottle of white wine. If a bottle has been refrigerated for several hours, you might want to take it out and let it set for 15 or 20 minutes before serving.

An alternative cooling solution is a Wine Sleeve. These little gems are available for about $5 - $10 and work beautifully and are great when traveling. The sleeve is put in the freezer, I store mine there and it’s always ready to use. All you do is slip the sleeve over the bottle and in 5 to 10 minutes your wine is chilled and ready to serve.

Wine is a wonderful experience-the bouquet, the sensation of the liquid in your mouth… Storing or serving wine too cold or too warm can change the taste causing it to be too heavy or out-of-balance and can kill the flavors completely.

If you think I’m making a big to-do about nothing let me ask you this. When you pour a cup of coffee do you drink it lukewarm? No, because it doesn’t taste as good, the taste has diminished. Have you ever heard someone ordering a warm bottle of beer or soda pop? I haven’t. Give your wine the respect it deserves and it will serve you well, after all it’s only purpose is your enjoyment.

TIP 1: If you store wine in the kitchen and don’t have a wine cooler avoid storing in the cabinet above or on top of the refrigerator or putting your wine rack near the stove or heating vents.

TIP 2: Placing a fresh strawberry in the champagne glass before filling will keep the champagne from going flat. You will also use less wine, be able to fill the glasses in advance and serving will go smoothly!

© 2008 Mary Spies  All rights reserved.

Let me say right off, “GET A CATERER!”
Being your own caterer or letting a relative or friend do it can cost you in dollars and piece of mind. It takes a whole lot more than going to Costco or Sam’s Club and buying prepared food to set out. If you haven’t thrown a party for as many people as you’re inviting to your wedding in the past, then your wedding is not the place to start. Here are some basic questions to answer before you decide to do it yourself. If you’re going to be your own caterer, get informed and be prepared.

What am I serving?
How much will I need?
How much time will buying and preparation take?
Where will the food be stored before the wedding?
Where will the food be prepared?
How will the food be transported to the reception?
How will it be presented?
Who will serve the food?
Who will set up, clear and clean up?
How much food can I put on a table? How many tables will I need?
How many warming trays are needed?
How will the cold food be kept cold on the buffet table?
How many plates, napkins, utensils and glasses are needed?

There are so many things that can influence the quantities you’ll need; things like the age of your guests, time of day, weather, location and yes, even occupation. Sounds crazy doesn’t it but I swear it’s true!

Elderly guests will eat far less and want less spicey foods than younger guests; Guests who don’t attend a lot of parties or formal events will consume more food such as seafood, pastries and hors d’oeuvres and take larger portions overall than those who attend formal events regularly; Men eat more than women; Teens and young children will waste more food and drink than adults; People will eat more when it’s cold and will want lighter foods when it hot and 4 ounces of wine will look like more in an oversized wine glass than a regular 6 ounce wine glass.

Are you getting a headache? Look, having 20 people over for a BBQ or a throwing a party and having the whole gang over, is a far cry from serving 100 - 200 people at a wedding reception. Hiring a caterer is truely the smart thing to do. However, if knowing all this you still want to do it yourself, this brave soul, is for you.

 These easy references are for those who just want the facts. I will have food charts up next week but until then I hope this helps. Keep in mind that while the figures given are based on industry standards, they are only guidelines. How Much Do I Need 

© 2008 Mary Spies All rights reserved

Now that you are engaged and you are ready to set the date. The planning begins, but how do you begin planning when you are not sure just what kind of wedding you want. I think this is the hardest part of a wedding; knowing what you want.

The key to planning is actually knowing what you want. Find out what is important to you. You would be amazed how much money can be thrown away on things that will never be used, not to mention the time and gas wasted going from one place to another. The first thing I tell brides is to get a scrapbook, rubber cement, a pile of magazines a pair of scissors and take an afternoon off and away from everyone.

Creating a scrapbook is an easy way of finding out what your tastes are, not your friends or your mother’s but yours. Telling your mother or a friend “I know what I want, I just need to find it…” is like waving a red flag at a bull. What mother or best friend doesn’t think she knows what you like or want or even worse what’s best for you? I can tell you from experience I nearly drove my daughter crazy trying to be helpful, and was woefully disappointed when she was not thrilled with my ideas and suggestions. And so like many mothers of my generation, I resorted to guilt to try and persuade her to my way of thinking and to my tastes. Little comments like “I’m just trying to be helpful but you obviously know so much more than I do…” Well, duh! Of course she knew more than me it was her dream! What she didn’t know was how to communicate what she really wanted.

Creating a scrapbook gives you a visual map of your tastes. I think the real trick is to keep your logical brain out of the process. The idea is not to create but to define and again it’s all about you. Do you lean toward a classic or a simple sophisticated look? A country casual or metropolitan flair; traditional, contemporary or off the wall, there is no right or wrong, no budget, no one else to please.

I think it’s important to use a variety of magazines and catalogs. Pick up a couple of each bridal, home and garden and fashion magazines and a catalog like Spiegel, Sears, JC Penny’s, or Ikea. Go through and cut everything you like out and don’t think about it, if you think your logical brain will kick in and take over. Forget you live in a tiny apartment or with roommates, forget you can’t afford to even step foot in the store that carries the item you like, forget you’re to fat, to thin, to tall, short it doesn’t matter. If you like it, cut it out. That means everything, dresses, hair styles, bridesmaids dresses, furniture, bedding, tuxedos, rings, locations, linens, tents, chairs, tables, flowers, cakes, food, favors, musicians, DJ’s, dancing, dining, limos, carriages, The only rule is you like it, you cut it!

Now that you are buried in a mountain of cutouts, get your scrapbook and glue and start sorting. Sort by category, grouping wedding gowns together, bridesmaid dresses together, furniture etc. You get the idea. When you have finished your scrapbook put it aside for a day or so. This may sound silly after all that work but try not to look at it right away. Why? Your logical brain is screaming “Enough already, I gotta’ take over! Keep going and you’ll start second guessing your choices. The whole point is not to be practical. It doesn’t matter whether you can afford it, wear it or even find it where you live; the point is you like it.

Now it’s time. Get your scrapbook, a pen and a piece of paper, get comfortable and get ready to look for the common denominator. What you have done by putting this seemingly mish mash of cutout pictures together, is to begin to define your personal taste and style. Each group of pictures will have a common factor. Your style will pop out. There will be something similar in every grouping of pictures. It may be a color, a design, an attitude, a time of day, or a place, I guarantee there you will find your style.

For example, if you find that evening seems to dominate your wedding pictures perhaps it’s an evening wedding you want. What is similar in the gowns you’ve chosen? Are the styles similar or is each different in style but all have intricate detailing such as beading or lace work; maybe it’s the way the neckline is cut or the look of the back or bustle of the dress. If you can’t find it, set it aside there is something else that drew you to that picture. Maybe it’s the hair or the makeup, maybe it’s just the attitude or how the picture makes you feel. Once you start to see a pattern, you’re on your way to the wedding you really want.

This is the condensed version of the scrapbook method of defining your style, to get the whole enchilada you’ll have to buy the book!

© 2008 Mary Spies All rights Reserved

I was asked to design a ceremony for a couple who wanted something informal but interactive with about 75 guests. The couple had decided to have the wedding on the beach at a nearby lake. It was important to them that the guests felt a part of the cermony. This was truly 75 of their closest family and friends. Because the ceremony was held in the early evening with the reception following at the same location I came up with the Bonfire Ceremony, the fire providing both light and heat.

The Bonfire Ceremony is a wonderful way to include your friends and family in the ceremony and works best with a small to medium outdoor wedding. Before the ceremony a fire pit is dug (a free standing patio fire pit can be used for very small weddings) and is prepared with kindling or fire starter logs and is ready to light.

 Before the bride and groom are pronounced husband and wife, the pinecones are collected by the flower girl and ring bearer or whomever the bride and groom designate. The baskets of pinecones are then given to the bride and groom. The baskets are placed in the fire pit by the bride and groom and together they light the fire. The officiate then offers a blessing, after which the bride and groom may wish to address their guests. The ceremony is then concluded.

Here is the ceremony for this wedding

Question - Who gives their blessing to the union of these two people? The family and friends answer “We do.”

Greeting - We are gathered here today, to witness the beginning of two lives united by love and trust. We celebrate with _ and _ and these witnesses, the wondrous and joyful occurrence that has taken place in their lives and brought them here today.

Marriage is a supreme sharing of experience, an adventure in the most intimate of relationships. It is the joyous union of two people whose friendship and mutual understanding and trust has flourished.

People say they are getting married because they are in love, but what a broad statement. I found a poem which I think describes it a little better. It is entitled Why Marriage.

Why marriage? Because to the depths of me, I long to love one person, with all my heart, my body, my mind, my soul…

Because I need a forever friend to trust with the intimacies of me, who won’t hold them against me, who loves me when I’m unlikable, who sees the small child in me, and who never stops seeing the divine potential of me…

Because I need to lie in the warmth of the night with someone who thanks God for me and with someone whom I feel blessed to hold…

Because marriage means opportunity to grow in love in friendship and because marriage is a discipline to be added to a list of achievements…

Because marriages do not fail, people fail when they enter into marriage expecting another person to be soley responsible for their life, their future, their happiness…

Knowing this, I promise to take full responsibility for my own life, my own future,  my own happiness. I create my happiness and I gladly share it with you without reservation,

I take half of the responsibility but it is only together we create this marriage. And knowing this, the possibilities for us are endless.

Vows - _, will you have this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to live together in marriage? Will you love, comfort and honor her, in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, so long as you both shall live?

_, will you have this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to live together in marriage? Will you love, comfort and honor him, in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, so long as you both shall live?

Rings - With this ring, I thee wed from this day forward, you shall not walk alone, my arms will be your shelter, my heart will be your home.

Blessing of The Rings - The rings you have exchanged are merely symbols. But they are symbols of the unbroken circle of love which when freely given has no beginning and no end; no giver and no receiver; for each will give and each will receive. May these rings always remind you of the promises you have made; the love that brought you here today and the vows you have taken. May you share in passion and spirit, compasion and understanding, patience and tolerance. and from this day forward may you be known to all as husband and wife.

Collection and Presentation of Pinecones - Lighting of Bonfire 

Bonfire Blessing - “May the blessings and good wishes of your friends and family warm your lives and help light your way. May your marriage never be cold and may you never face the darkness alone. ”

Pronouncement - And now, by the authority granted me, it gives me great pleasure to pronounce you husband and wife. May your lives together be filled with abundance and joy. You may kiss the bride.

Introduction - Ladies & gentlemen, Mr. & Mrs._

* I edited  parts of the Why Marriage poem to fit my style and the couple. At the time I used the poem it was posted as “Author Unknown”.  Since that time I have found the poem was written by Mari Nichols and can be found on several web sites.  

© 2008 Mary Spies All rights reserved

Beaches, parks, meadows, backyards and campgrounds are all popular choices for weddings. If you are one the many couples who have chosen an outdoor location for your special day. Here’s a tip to make things a little easier and more comfortable.

Outdoor weddings are wonderful but can pose unique challenges. One important challenge is lighting. Lucky for you there are now several choices available in solar lighting and though the initial cost may be a little high. Considering the multi-use options for holidays, backyard parties, camping and beach trips the long term value makes solar lighting a great buy. And here’s another tip: lighting can define your space which makes decorating an outdoor area much easier, after all how do you compete with mother nature?

You may think that with solar lights the sun will have to shine or you’ll be in the dark but that is no longer true. Many of the solar lights are not only solar “charged” but come with a battery back up. These little wonders will stay lit for several hours and since they use LED lights, the lighting is more than adequate.

I recently decorated an area at the beach using solar lighting and here is what I did…

Using several 10″ bamboo poles I drilled pilot holes for hooks which were screwed in at the top of the pole to hold the lights and fabric. The poles were driven into the sand using a hammer and a flat piece of wood placed on top of the pole to protect it while hammering. I then placed the poles about 5 to 6 feet apart and making sure they where at least 2 feet into the sand (for greater stability you can fill the hollow of the pole with sand).

To the hook I added chiffon streamers in the brides colors which had been threaded through rings and secured. I was careful with the length of the streamers so they weren’t blowing into fire-pits or candles. The lights were then strung from pole to pole in a drapped fashion and secured to the hooks with mini electrical ties. A  series of smaller poles were placed with lighting as a lit walkway to the bathrooms and parking lot. Because the use of floral was kept at a minimum, only the bride, groom and their attendants had flowers, hand charged flashlights along with a pair of thongs were given to guests as favors.

I loved this wedding, the elegance was in the simplicity and the fact they did not try to compete with the location. They embraced the wind, sand and twilight and in the end they and their guests were left with a beautiful experience and wonderful memories.

There are several sites that sell solar string lights and it’s certainly worth the effort to take an afternoon and do a search. Happy surfing!

© 2008 Mary Spies All rights Reserved

I recently officiated at the marriage of a couple who had been together for eight years and had two beautiful children. It was a joy to be around this couple because the love and affection they had as a couple and as a family filled the room whenever they entered.

I worked with them putting together a ceremony that captured their love and commitment to each other, their children, family and friends. As they entered together I asked “Who gives their blessing to the union of these two people?” and their children, families and friends with the exception of just two people, all stood up and said “We do” and cheered. It was impossible for the couple or for me to hold back the tears. Knowing that they had the love and support of their friends and families made the ceremony so personal and interactive.

After the ceremony the couple who had not stood up came over and began to apologize, not for remaining seated, but for as it turned out her brother, who she felt was “rubbing her nose in his homosexuality”. The couple I had just married were two men. Again I wanted to cry unfortunately not for the joy that was felt earlier.

A very deep sadness came over me, and I wondered how an apparently educated woman could be so closed. She continued to comment that it must be hard to perform a ceremony that meant nothing and went against God’s plan. I could only look at her and explain that I had over the years received many blessings, insights and understandings but the one thing I had not received was the right nor the wisdom to pass judgment on any human being and certainly not the right to declare in God’s name that one person has not the right to love another. Her indignation was obvious and she left abruptly.

The point is, without your ceremony you’re just throwing a big party. Make your ceremony special whether you are including a large circle of friends and family or just a few who are very close and special. Tradition is nice but so is including and sharing the moment with those you love and who love you. A marriage is a lasting commitment between two people who are willing to endure the hard times, support each other in prosperity as well as adversity and to remain true to the vows they have taken. Gender has nothing to do with commitment or love. Perhaps society should concentrate more on reducing hate and ignorance in the world and let love thrive wherever it may be found.

© 2008 Mary Spies All rights reserved