What Every Bride Should Know When Planning A Wedding

Pearl studded candles look and are expensive to buy but they really add a touch of elegance to any event. Fortunately, studded candles are very easy to make and require only a pair of good wire cutters and box a of boutonniere pins. I prefer the white pearl head pins but the pins are available in various colors and sizes and usually come 144 to a box.

You can create any pattern you like but if you’re not terribly artistic it’s probably best to stick with something simple. A diamond pattern for example is easy and has a very elegant look. For a unity candle using a pair of decorative edged scissors a photo of the pride and groom can be trimmed and placed on the candle using decorative pins or studs to frame and hold it in place.

The Diamond Pattern - Cut the pins ¼ inch to a ½ an inch long and you may even have to go shorter when cutting for a taper. Trying to insert a 2 inch pin into a candle is not easy and will usually result in a damaged candle and a bent pin.

Tapers can usually handle 4 pins in the 1st row and 3 in the second. A taper that is ¾ of an inch in diameter will measure 2 ¾ around. A standard 15 inch taper leaving 1 inch at the top and bottom will need 92 pins following the 4 - 3, inch between rows design.

The number of pins used is up to you but spacing too close in a taper (long skinny candles) can damage the integrity of the candle.

Pillar candles come in so many different sizes it’s hard to give an exact formula. I think the best way to determine the number of pins needed is to measure the distance (circumference) around the candle. On a pillar candle that is 3″ in diameter the distance around the candle is 10 ½ inches. Placing the pins ¾ of an inch apart, the first row will take 14 pins and to create a diamond the second row will take 13 pins. You will need approximately 122 pins to cover a candle 10 inches tall and 3 inches wide if you are leaving 1 inch between rows.

If you’re afraid your pins will be all over the place take a piece of tape and put a dot every ¾ inch and tape it just below where you want your 1st row to start and use it as a guide, do the same for the second row making sure the dots are between the pins in the first row.

Unity candles are expensive and quite frankly, after the wedding become dust catchers if left out and or they are tucked into a drawer never to be seen again.

Here are just a few ideas for a Unity Candle you can make for a fraction of the cost. All the designs were created in MS Word and printed using cling type of window decal sheet found at the computer store. The small circles used in the designs represent pearl head boutonniere pins.

Summer weddings are often outdoors and when a  couple wants to include a unity candle to the ceremony they are often faced with  how to keep the candle lit. Sometime ago I experimented with various candles and wicks and finally came up with a trick.  I’ve used this little trick for many years, and it’s never failed.

The trick is a wick exchange. Replace the existing wick in your unity candle  with the wick of a trick birthday candle, the kind you can’t blow out.

Take a very fine drill bit and bore out the the unity candle wick. Remove the wax from the trick candle wick by just breaking the candle in half and sliding the wax off of the wick.  The wax on the trick candle has nothing to do with the candle reigniting; it’s a small thread of magnesium in the wick that burns at a low temperature that causes the wick to ignite even after it’s been blown out.

You don’t have to remove all of the existing wick, simply go down far enough, about an inch to 2 inches and insert the trick wick, leaving about an inch of wick at the top of the candle to light. This works very well in pillar size candles.  If the hole you have bored in the unity candle is too large for the new wick, simply dip the trick wick in melted wax before inserting.

Changing out wicks can be done several months ahead of time and it is a very good idea to practice on an old candle first. The smaller in diameter the candle is the more difficult it will be to change out wicks. With a little practice you’ll have a unity candle that will stay lit no matter how windy. Have fun!

Years ago a full bar was the norm at most formal weddings but with rising costs and liability laws tightening, wine and beer, which have a lower alcohol content, have become the most popular choice for weddings.

White wine, which is requested more often by women, is more popular in warm weather months with an Oregon Pinot Gris and Italian Pinot Grigio the most refreshing followed by Sauvignon Blanc. Chardonnay, although extremely popular, is not quite as refreshing on those warm summer days.

Red wines are requested by men more often than women and are said to be more popular with beer drinkers and served more during the cooler months. It has been my experience however that red wine is being requested just as much during the summer as the cooler seasons.

If you are planning on buying your own wine for the wedding your best price will be a case price. And if at all possible buy directly from the vineyard. I live in Oregon’s Willamette Valley where some of the finest wines in the world are produced and the selection is incredible. The idea of going to the supermarket to buy a case of wine is almost sacrilegious. Most vineyards have case prices but be sure to ask before you place your order if you can delay pick-up or delivery until shortly before your wedding date.

I recently spoke with Tim Pickett, Marketing Director for Viridian Wines at Olsen Family Vineyards. This particular vineyard produces an exceptional Pinot Gris and Pinot Noir. I asked Tim about Viridian case ordering with delayed delivery. “Here is how it would work with us. We would be willing to do an advance order and would usually want a 10% deposit. We would issue a contract and then set up a system reminder in order to ensure that the wine was delivered on time. In case of cancellation, they would lose their deposit to restocking, but other than that, we’d be completely willing to work on that basis.”

Most red wines taste best at 60 to 65 degrees. The phrase you hear most often is “serve at room temperature”. That does not mean if you’re in the middle of a heat wave with no air conditioning your wine should still be served at room temperature. Common sense people, you gotta use common sense.

White wines, rosés and sparkling wines taste best when they have been chilled to about 52 degrees. Please, do not serve these wines ice-cold, or heaven forbid poured over ice. An hour or two in the refrigerator is plenty of time to chill a bottle of white wine. If a bottle has been refrigerated for several hours, you might want to take it out and let it set for 15 or 20 minutes before serving.

An alternative cooling solution is a Wine Sleeve. These little gems are available for about $5 - $10 and work beautifully and are great when traveling. The sleeve is put in the freezer, I store mine there and it’s always ready to use. All you do is slip the sleeve over the bottle and in 5 to 10 minutes your wine is chilled and ready to serve.

Wine is a wonderful experience-the bouquet, the sensation of the liquid in your mouth… Storing or serving wine too cold or too warm can change the taste causing it to be too heavy or out-of-balance and can kill the flavors completely.

If you think I’m making a big to-do about nothing let me ask you this. When you pour a cup of coffee do you drink it lukewarm? No, because it doesn’t taste as good, the taste has diminished. Have you ever heard someone ordering a warm bottle of beer or soda pop? I haven’t. Give your wine the respect it deserves and it will serve you well, after all it’s only purpose is your enjoyment.

TIP 1: If you store wine in the kitchen and don’t have a wine cooler avoid storing in the cabinet above or on top of the refrigerator or putting your wine rack near the stove or heating vents.

TIP 2: Placing a fresh strawberry in the champagne glass before filling will keep the champagne from going flat. You will also use less wine, be able to fill the glasses in advance and serving will go smoothly!

© 2008 Mary Spies  All rights reserved.

Let me say right off, “GET A CATERER!”
Being your own caterer or letting a relative or friend do it can cost you in dollars and piece of mind. It takes a whole lot more than going to Costco or Sam’s Club and buying prepared food to set out. If you haven’t thrown a party for as many people as you’re inviting to your wedding in the past, then your wedding is not the place to start. Here are some basic questions to answer before you decide to do it yourself. If you’re going to be your own caterer, get informed and be prepared.

What am I serving?
How much will I need?
How much time will buying and preparation take?
Where will the food be stored before the wedding?
Where will the food be prepared?
How will the food be transported to the reception?
How will it be presented?
Who will serve the food?
Who will set up, clear and clean up?
How much food can I put on a table? How many tables will I need?
How many warming trays are needed?
How will the cold food be kept cold on the buffet table?
How many plates, napkins, utensils and glasses are needed?

There are so many things that can influence the quantities you’ll need; things like the age of your guests, time of day, weather, location and yes, even occupation. Sounds crazy doesn’t it but I swear it’s true!

Elderly guests will eat far less and want less spicey foods than younger guests; Guests who don’t attend a lot of parties or formal events will consume more food such as seafood, pastries and hors d’oeuvres and take larger portions overall than those who attend formal events regularly; Men eat more than women; Teens and young children will waste more food and drink than adults; People will eat more when it’s cold and will want lighter foods when it hot and 4 ounces of wine will look like more in an oversized wine glass than a regular 6 ounce wine glass.

Are you getting a headache? Look, having 20 people over for a BBQ or a throwing a party and having the whole gang over, is a far cry from serving 100 - 200 people at a wedding reception. Hiring a caterer is truely the smart thing to do. However, if knowing all this you still want to do it yourself, this brave soul, is for you.

 These easy references are for those who just want the facts. I will have food charts up next week but until then I hope this helps. Keep in mind that while the figures given are based on industry standards, they are only guidelines. How Much Do I Need 

© 2008 Mary Spies All rights reserved

Now that you are engaged and you are ready to set the date. The planning begins, but how do you begin planning when you are not sure just what kind of wedding you want. I think this is the hardest part of a wedding; knowing what you want.

The key to planning is actually knowing what you want. Find out what is important to you. You would be amazed how much money can be thrown away on things that will never be used, not to mention the time and gas wasted going from one place to another. The first thing I tell brides is to get a scrapbook, rubber cement, a pile of magazines a pair of scissors and take an afternoon off and away from everyone.

Creating a scrapbook is an easy way of finding out what your tastes are, not your friends or your mother’s but yours. Telling your mother or a friend “I know what I want, I just need to find it…” is like waving a red flag at a bull. What mother or best friend doesn’t think she knows what you like or want or even worse what’s best for you? I can tell you from experience I nearly drove my daughter crazy trying to be helpful, and was woefully disappointed when she was not thrilled with my ideas and suggestions. And so like many mothers of my generation, I resorted to guilt to try and persuade her to my way of thinking and to my tastes. Little comments like “I’m just trying to be helpful but you obviously know so much more than I do…” Well, duh! Of course she knew more than me it was her dream! What she didn’t know was how to communicate what she really wanted.

Creating a scrapbook gives you a visual map of your tastes. I think the real trick is to keep your logical brain out of the process. The idea is not to create but to define and again it’s all about you. Do you lean toward a classic or a simple sophisticated look? A country casual or metropolitan flair; traditional, contemporary or off the wall, there is no right or wrong, no budget, no one else to please.

I think it’s important to use a variety of magazines and catalogs. Pick up a couple of each bridal, home and garden and fashion magazines and a catalog like Spiegel, Sears, JC Penny’s, or Ikea. Go through and cut everything you like out and don’t think about it, if you think your logical brain will kick in and take over. Forget you live in a tiny apartment or with roommates, forget you can’t afford to even step foot in the store that carries the item you like, forget you’re to fat, to thin, to tall, short it doesn’t matter. If you like it, cut it out. That means everything, dresses, hair styles, bridesmaids dresses, furniture, bedding, tuxedos, rings, locations, linens, tents, chairs, tables, flowers, cakes, food, favors, musicians, DJ’s, dancing, dining, limos, carriages, The only rule is you like it, you cut it!

Now that you are buried in a mountain of cutouts, get your scrapbook and glue and start sorting. Sort by category, grouping wedding gowns together, bridesmaid dresses together, furniture etc. You get the idea. When you have finished your scrapbook put it aside for a day or so. This may sound silly after all that work but try not to look at it right away. Why? Your logical brain is screaming “Enough already, I gotta’ take over! Keep going and you’ll start second guessing your choices. The whole point is not to be practical. It doesn’t matter whether you can afford it, wear it or even find it where you live; the point is you like it.

Now it’s time. Get your scrapbook, a pen and a piece of paper, get comfortable and get ready to look for the common denominator. What you have done by putting this seemingly mish mash of cutout pictures together, is to begin to define your personal taste and style. Each group of pictures will have a common factor. Your style will pop out. There will be something similar in every grouping of pictures. It may be a color, a design, an attitude, a time of day, or a place, I guarantee there you will find your style.

For example, if you find that evening seems to dominate your wedding pictures perhaps it’s an evening wedding you want. What is similar in the gowns you’ve chosen? Are the styles similar or is each different in style but all have intricate detailing such as beading or lace work; maybe it’s the way the neckline is cut or the look of the back or bustle of the dress. If you can’t find it, set it aside there is something else that drew you to that picture. Maybe it’s the hair or the makeup, maybe it’s just the attitude or how the picture makes you feel. Once you start to see a pattern, you’re on your way to the wedding you really want.

This is the condensed version of the scrapbook method of defining your style, to get the whole enchilada you’ll have to buy the book!

© 2008 Mary Spies All rights Reserved

I was asked to design a ceremony for a couple who wanted something informal but interactive with about 75 guests. The couple had decided to have the wedding on the beach at a nearby lake. It was important to them that the guests felt a part of the cermony. This was truly 75 of their closest family and friends. Because the ceremony was held in the early evening with the reception following at the same location I came up with the Bonfire Ceremony, the fire providing both light and heat.

The Bonfire Ceremony is a wonderful way to include your friends and family in the ceremony and works best with a small to medium outdoor wedding. Before the ceremony a fire pit is dug (a free standing patio fire pit can be used for very small weddings) and is prepared with kindling or fire starter logs and is ready to light.

 Before the bride and groom are pronounced husband and wife, the pinecones are collected by the flower girl and ring bearer or whomever the bride and groom designate. The baskets of pinecones are then given to the bride and groom. The baskets are placed in the fire pit by the bride and groom and together they light the fire. The officiate then offers a blessing, after which the bride and groom may wish to address their guests. The ceremony is then concluded.

Here is the ceremony for this wedding

Question - Who gives their blessing to the union of these two people? The family and friends answer “We do.”

Greeting - We are gathered here today, to witness the beginning of two lives united by love and trust. We celebrate with _ and _ and these witnesses, the wondrous and joyful occurrence that has taken place in their lives and brought them here today.

Marriage is a supreme sharing of experience, an adventure in the most intimate of relationships. It is the joyous union of two people whose friendship and mutual understanding and trust has flourished.

People say they are getting married because they are in love, but what a broad statement. I found a poem which I think describes it a little better. It is entitled Why Marriage.

Why marriage? Because to the depths of me, I long to love one person, with all my heart, my body, my mind, my soul…

Because I need a forever friend to trust with the intimacies of me, who won’t hold them against me, who loves me when I’m unlikable, who sees the small child in me, and who never stops seeing the divine potential of me…

Because I need to lie in the warmth of the night with someone who thanks God for me and with someone whom I feel blessed to hold…

Because marriage means opportunity to grow in love in friendship and because marriage is a discipline to be added to a list of achievements…

Because marriages do not fail, people fail when they enter into marriage expecting another person to be soley responsible for their life, their future, their happiness…

Knowing this, I promise to take full responsibility for my own life, my own future,  my own happiness. I create my happiness and I gladly share it with you without reservation,

I take half of the responsibility but it is only together we create this marriage. And knowing this, the possibilities for us are endless.

Vows - _, will you have this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to live together in marriage? Will you love, comfort and honor her, in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, so long as you both shall live?

_, will you have this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to live together in marriage? Will you love, comfort and honor him, in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, so long as you both shall live?

Rings - With this ring, I thee wed from this day forward, you shall not walk alone, my arms will be your shelter, my heart will be your home.

Blessing of The Rings - The rings you have exchanged are merely symbols. But they are symbols of the unbroken circle of love which when freely given has no beginning and no end; no giver and no receiver; for each will give and each will receive. May these rings always remind you of the promises you have made; the love that brought you here today and the vows you have taken. May you share in passion and spirit, compasion and understanding, patience and tolerance. and from this day forward may you be known to all as husband and wife.

Collection and Presentation of Pinecones - Lighting of Bonfire 

Bonfire Blessing - “May the blessings and good wishes of your friends and family warm your lives and help light your way. May your marriage never be cold and may you never face the darkness alone. ”

Pronouncement - And now, by the authority granted me, it gives me great pleasure to pronounce you husband and wife. May your lives together be filled with abundance and joy. You may kiss the bride.

Introduction - Ladies & gentlemen, Mr. & Mrs._

* I edited  parts of the Why Marriage poem to fit my style and the couple. At the time I used the poem it was posted as “Author Unknown”.  Since that time I have found the poem was written by Mari Nichols and can be found on several web sites.  

© 2008 Mary Spies All rights reserved

Beaches, parks, meadows, backyards and campgrounds are all popular choices for weddings. If you are one the many couples who have chosen an outdoor location for your special day. Here’s a tip to make things a little easier and more comfortable.

Outdoor weddings are wonderful but can pose unique challenges. One important challenge is lighting. Lucky for you there are now several choices available in solar lighting and though the initial cost may be a little high. Considering the multi-use options for holidays, backyard parties, camping and beach trips the long term value makes solar lighting a great buy. And here’s another tip: lighting can define your space which makes decorating an outdoor area much easier, after all how do you compete with mother nature?

You may think that with solar lights the sun will have to shine or you’ll be in the dark but that is no longer true. Many of the solar lights are not only solar “charged” but come with a battery back up. These little wonders will stay lit for several hours and since they use LED lights, the lighting is more than adequate.

I recently decorated an area at the beach using solar lighting and here is what I did…

Using several 10″ bamboo poles I drilled pilot holes for hooks which were screwed in at the top of the pole to hold the lights and fabric. The poles were driven into the sand using a hammer and a flat piece of wood placed on top of the pole to protect it while hammering. I then placed the poles about 5 to 6 feet apart and making sure they where at least 2 feet into the sand (for greater stability you can fill the hollow of the pole with sand).

To the hook I added chiffon streamers in the brides colors which had been threaded through rings and secured. I was careful with the length of the streamers so they weren’t blowing into fire-pits or candles. The lights were then strung from pole to pole in a drapped fashion and secured to the hooks with mini electrical ties. A  series of smaller poles were placed with lighting as a lit walkway to the bathrooms and parking lot. Because the use of floral was kept at a minimum, only the bride, groom and their attendants had flowers, hand charged flashlights along with a pair of thongs were given to guests as favors.

I loved this wedding, the elegance was in the simplicity and the fact they did not try to compete with the location. They embraced the wind, sand and twilight and in the end they and their guests were left with a beautiful experience and wonderful memories.

There are several sites that sell solar string lights and it’s certainly worth the effort to take an afternoon and do a search. Happy surfing!

© 2008 Mary Spies All rights Reserved

I recently officiated at the marriage of a couple who had been together for eight years and had two beautiful children. It was a joy to be around this couple because the love and affection they had as a couple and as a family filled the room whenever they entered.

I worked with them putting together a ceremony that captured their love and commitment to each other, their children, family and friends. As they entered together I asked “Who gives their blessing to the union of these two people?” and their children, families and friends with the exception of just two people, all stood up and said “We do” and cheered. It was impossible for the couple or for me to hold back the tears. Knowing that they had the love and support of their friends and families made the ceremony so personal and interactive.

After the ceremony the couple who had not stood up came over and began to apologize, not for remaining seated, but for as it turned out her brother, who she felt was “rubbing her nose in his homosexuality”. The couple I had just married were two men. Again I wanted to cry unfortunately not for the joy that was felt earlier.

A very deep sadness came over me, and I wondered how an apparently educated woman could be so closed. She continued to comment that it must be hard to perform a ceremony that meant nothing and went against God’s plan. I could only look at her and explain that I had over the years received many blessings, insights and understandings but the one thing I had not received was the right nor the wisdom to pass judgment on any human being and certainly not the right to declare in God’s name that one person has not the right to love another. Her indignation was obvious and she left abruptly.

The point is, without your ceremony you’re just throwing a big party. Make your ceremony special whether you are including a large circle of friends and family or just a few who are very close and special. Tradition is nice but so is including and sharing the moment with those you love and who love you. A marriage is a lasting commitment between two people who are willing to endure the hard times, support each other in prosperity as well as adversity and to remain true to the vows they have taken. Gender has nothing to do with commitment or love. Perhaps society should concentrate more on reducing hate and ignorance in the world and let love thrive wherever it may be found.

© 2008 Mary Spies All rights reserved

Many couples are opting for an alcohol free reception, some to save money, others just don’t want the headache of liability. And yes, you are responsible for the actions of your guests at the reception and after if they have been served alcohol. That means if you serve any type of alcohol and one of your guests is stopped for driving under the influence or heaven forbid, they are in an accident you can be sued. Count on it.

Unfortunately, many people who are invited to a wedding are under the impression that they are entitled to food, drink and entertainment and overlook the fact that they have been invited at the bride and groom’s pleasure. Wedding guests are entitled to zip. How much or how little is provided is entirely up to the bride and groom. Shame on the guest who has the nerve to complain they got chicken instead of prime rib and punch instead of merlot. With all this in mind here are two great alternatives to serving alcohol.

Coffee & Chai - Before you roll your eyes and give that “oh crap” sigh, read on. I’m not talking about stately cups of coffee and tea served in little china cups with cake and biscuits. I’m talking flavors, iced, whipped, frapped and served in Grande’ wine glasses; garnished with an assortment of chocolates, spices and candies or flavored spoons. Believe me this is not only an elegant look but it is delicious, refreshing and perfectly wonderful if you are having an afternoon reception of light hors d’oeuvre or desserts. It is as always in the presentation. With the vast amount of flavors available from Irish Cream to Banana Fanna your coffee drinks will make Starbucks jealous and serving double duty the flavors can also be used for Italian ice. (How international!)

Frozen Punch Drinks - You’ve heard of “virgin daiquiri, margarita and such… Well, here’s your chance to shine. Don’t tell a soul there is no alcohol and I swear you’ll have people who think they’re getting tipsy. Again, it’s all in the presentation. Check in daily I’m putting together a collection of great iced drinks you won’t want to miss.

Just remember this is your day, your party and you can do what you want. So fasten your seat belt Emily Post we’re in the 21st century!

© 2008 Mary Spies All rights Reserved

Your ceremony is the beginning of the most wonderful day of your life. It sets the tone for the entire wedding day. It is the smile on his face, the lump in his throat, the look that takes his breath away as he sees you beginning down the aisle. It’s your day, your moment in time that will forever be cherished and remembered. As important as this day is your rehearsal is just as important.

It has always amazed me that there is so little information regarding the rehearsal. Beautiful ceremonies don’t just happen. So often we hear “I wish I would have done this or said that…” But on the day of your wedding when nerves and emotions are at their peak, so many things are left to chance and unfortunately, often overlooked. Everyone from the bride and groom, their families, wedding party and vendors are expected to know just what to do, how to do it and when to do it and yet there is very little available on the rehearsal. Up until now unless the bride has hired a coordinator to oversee her rehearsal, she’s pretty much on her own.

In an attempt to give the bride and groom on a budget the same advantage as the couple who hires a coordinator, NW Bride & Groom in Oregon created a Rehearsal Guide. I have tried to include everything that will help you make your rehearsal a successful and stress reducing event.

Scheduling - Here is a word of caution if you are considering having your rehearsal on a Friday, Saturday, Sunday or a holiday. Almost 98% of all weddings take place from Friday afternoon through Sunday evening. Many officiates are now charging the same fee for weekend and holiday rehearsals as they do for the ceremony or they simply make it a policy not to book rehearsals on those days. So while a rehearsal scheduled on one of these days may be convenient for you, you may loose some of your key people.

Another mistake couples make is scheduling a rehearsal for “right after work” Forcing people into the heart of rush hour traffic all but guarantees the rehearsal will not start on time. If you have the officiant, photographer or other wedding professionals attending you may end up with additional fees if they are required to stay longer than scheduled. Many wedding officiants have additional duties or commitments and are not available until the evening hours. Some professionals have multiple rehearsals for the same day and will only be there for the time reserved. The best time to schedule rehearsal is before 4:00 if all the key participants are available for an afternoon rehearsal or after 6:30 and no later than 8:00. Although the times suggested may appear restrictive you will still have ample time for the rehearsal dinner and avoiding the rush hour madness. If rush hour is not an issue for you or your participants then your rehearsal may be scheduled whenever it is best for all involved.

There are some wedding sites that will not allow you to schedule your rehearsal too far in advance. Many facilities would rather leave dates open for as long as possible in hopes of booking another wedding. And can be a dilemma for you because it gives you only a few weeks to notify everyone of the rehearsal time. One way to avoid this problem is to schedule your rehearsal for early or midweek. It is now more popular to have your rehearsal and dinner a few nights before the wedding. There is always the matter of the X factor, that crazy unknown that can pop up at anytime or anywhere. Save yourself the headache by saving the night before the wedding to relax and if something does “pop up” you still will have time to take care of it and not become over bogged down, anxious or stressed.

Notifying Participants of Rehearsal Time and Date - Many couples also make the mistake of assuming those involved in the rehearsal will be available whenever it is scheduled instead of coordinating with members of the wedding party, officiant, photographer, ceremony site and family members. I recommend mailing a reminder postcard to all rehearsal participants including the professionals you have asked to attend. Be sure to let them know they will be asked to sing or recite their song or reading at the rehearsal.

Who attends the rehearsal? Only the people who are actually part of your wedding party. It is not necessary to invite everyone who will be attending the rehearsal dinner to the rehearsal. For the guests who are not going to be a part of the actual rehearsal let them know that you are looking forward to seeing them at the rehearsal dinner and give only the scheduled time of the dinner. It is always best to put it in writing, don’t just say the rehearsal dinner will be held at my cousin Eddies house. Who is Eddie and where does he live? Does he have a telephone in case your guest gets lost? The same goes for a restaurant, always include the time, name, address and telephone number and an easy to read map if your guests are not familiar with the physical location.

Of course you can’t please everyone, and often it’s difficult to get everyone together at the same time especially when you have out of town attendants but if you give people enough notice at least a few weeks and preferably more, you shouldn’t encounter any major problems. I say major problems because no matter how hard you try to plan there is always the “X” factor. Accept it now; there are some things you will have no control over. Be prepared! Breath into a paper bag, beat a pillow, find a closet and let out a scream then move on. Avoid saying things like “this always happens” “it’s not fair” “things never go right” “just once I would like something to go as planned”.

You are getting married. You are about to hear another person say in front of your friends and family declare they want to spent the rest of their life with you; you’re the most important person in the world to them. How much better can it get? So stop kicking yourself and those around you and find a way to make it better.

Regarding guest soloists & readers - If you have asked friends or family to read, sing or play a musical selection, or if the church is providing a singer, please have them attend the rehearsal. Contrary to what many popular websites say, it is not a waste of time to ask them to perform at the rehearsal. If they are too embarrassed or too nervous to do whatever they are going to do at the rehearsal what are they going to do at the ceremony? Believe me, you don’t want to be surprised during the ceremony. Know what they are going to do and how they sound and how they look before the big moment.

I can’t tell you how many times a family member has stuttered and stumbled through a reading or a friend wailed a favorite song off key, singing every verse written while the rest of us listened with embarrassment wondering why time had stopped. It’s better to know ahead of time and perhaps do a little damage control. If you don’t feel the person can perform without embarrassing you or themselves ask the officiant to put a limit on the length of the selection or ask him restrict it altogether. Putting the “blame” on them takes the burden off you and you are then free to sympathize with the person over the unexpected restriction.

Your wedding ceremony is so important give it the respect it deserves and rehearse!

© 2008 Mary Spies All rights Reserved