What Every Bride Should Know When Planning A Wedding

Your ceremony is the beginning of the most wonderful day of your life. It sets the tone for the entire wedding day. It is the smile on his face, the lump in his throat, the look that takes his breath away as he sees you beginning down the aisle. It’s your day, your moment in time that will forever be cherished and remembered. As important as this day is your rehearsal is just as important.

It has always amazed me that there is so little information regarding the rehearsal. Beautiful ceremonies don’t just happen. So often we hear “I wish I would have done this or said that…” But on the day of your wedding when nerves and emotions are at their peak, so many things are left to chance and unfortunately, often overlooked. Everyone from the bride and groom, their families, wedding party and vendors are expected to know just what to do, how to do it and when to do it and yet there is very little available on the rehearsal. Up until now unless the bride has hired a coordinator to oversee her rehearsal, she’s pretty much on her own.

In an attempt to give the bride and groom on a budget the same advantage as the couple who hires a coordinator, NW Bride & Groom in Oregon created a Rehearsal Guide. I have tried to include everything that will help you make your rehearsal a successful and stress reducing event.

Scheduling - Here is a word of caution if you are considering having your rehearsal on a Friday, Saturday, Sunday or a holiday. Almost 98% of all weddings take place from Friday afternoon through Sunday evening. Many officiates are now charging the same fee for weekend and holiday rehearsals as they do for the ceremony or they simply make it a policy not to book rehearsals on those days. So while a rehearsal scheduled on one of these days may be convenient for you, you may loose some of your key people.

Another mistake couples make is scheduling a rehearsal for “right after work” Forcing people into the heart of rush hour traffic all but guarantees the rehearsal will not start on time. If you have the officiant, photographer or other wedding professionals attending you may end up with additional fees if they are required to stay longer than scheduled. Many wedding officiants have additional duties or commitments and are not available until the evening hours. Some professionals have multiple rehearsals for the same day and will only be there for the time reserved. The best time to schedule rehearsal is before 4:00 if all the key participants are available for an afternoon rehearsal or after 6:30 and no later than 8:00. Although the times suggested may appear restrictive you will still have ample time for the rehearsal dinner and avoiding the rush hour madness. If rush hour is not an issue for you or your participants then your rehearsal may be scheduled whenever it is best for all involved.

There are some wedding sites that will not allow you to schedule your rehearsal too far in advance. Many facilities would rather leave dates open for as long as possible in hopes of booking another wedding. And can be a dilemma for you because it gives you only a few weeks to notify everyone of the rehearsal time. One way to avoid this problem is to schedule your rehearsal for early or midweek. It is now more popular to have your rehearsal and dinner a few nights before the wedding. There is always the matter of the X factor, that crazy unknown that can pop up at anytime or anywhere. Save yourself the headache by saving the night before the wedding to relax and if something does “pop up” you still will have time to take care of it and not become over bogged down, anxious or stressed.

Notifying Participants of Rehearsal Time and Date - Many couples also make the mistake of assuming those involved in the rehearsal will be available whenever it is scheduled instead of coordinating with members of the wedding party, officiant, photographer, ceremony site and family members. I recommend mailing a reminder postcard to all rehearsal participants including the professionals you have asked to attend. Be sure to let them know they will be asked to sing or recite their song or reading at the rehearsal.

Who attends the rehearsal? Only the people who are actually part of your wedding party. It is not necessary to invite everyone who will be attending the rehearsal dinner to the rehearsal. For the guests who are not going to be a part of the actual rehearsal let them know that you are looking forward to seeing them at the rehearsal dinner and give only the scheduled time of the dinner. It is always best to put it in writing, don’t just say the rehearsal dinner will be held at my cousin Eddies house. Who is Eddie and where does he live? Does he have a telephone in case your guest gets lost? The same goes for a restaurant, always include the time, name, address and telephone number and an easy to read map if your guests are not familiar with the physical location.

Of course you can’t please everyone, and often it’s difficult to get everyone together at the same time especially when you have out of town attendants but if you give people enough notice at least a few weeks and preferably more, you shouldn’t encounter any major problems. I say major problems because no matter how hard you try to plan there is always the “X” factor. Accept it now; there are some things you will have no control over. Be prepared! Breath into a paper bag, beat a pillow, find a closet and let out a scream then move on. Avoid saying things like “this always happens” “it’s not fair” “things never go right” “just once I would like something to go as planned”.

You are getting married. You are about to hear another person say in front of your friends and family declare they want to spent the rest of their life with you; you’re the most important person in the world to them. How much better can it get? So stop kicking yourself and those around you and find a way to make it better.

Regarding guest soloists & readers - If you have asked friends or family to read, sing or play a musical selection, or if the church is providing a singer, please have them attend the rehearsal. Contrary to what many popular websites say, it is not a waste of time to ask them to perform at the rehearsal. If they are too embarrassed or too nervous to do whatever they are going to do at the rehearsal what are they going to do at the ceremony? Believe me, you don’t want to be surprised during the ceremony. Know what they are going to do and how they sound and how they look before the big moment.

I can’t tell you how many times a family member has stuttered and stumbled through a reading or a friend wailed a favorite song off key, singing every verse written while the rest of us listened with embarrassment wondering why time had stopped. It’s better to know ahead of time and perhaps do a little damage control. If you don’t feel the person can perform without embarrassing you or themselves ask the officiant to put a limit on the length of the selection or ask him restrict it altogether. Putting the “blame” on them takes the burden off you and you are then free to sympathize with the person over the unexpected restriction.

Your wedding ceremony is so important give it the respect it deserves and rehearse!

© 2008 Mary Spies All rights Reserved