What Every Bride Should Know When Planning A Wedding

Defining You Style

Now that you are engaged and you are ready to set the date. The planning begins, but how do you begin planning when you are not sure just what kind of wedding you want. I think this is the hardest part of a wedding; knowing what you want.

The key to planning is actually knowing what you want. Find out what is important to you. You would be amazed how much money can be thrown away on things that will never be used, not to mention the time and gas wasted going from one place to another. The first thing I tell brides is to get a scrapbook, rubber cement, a pile of magazines a pair of scissors and take an afternoon off and away from everyone.

Creating a scrapbook is an easy way of finding out what your tastes are, not your friends or your mother’s but yours. Telling your mother or a friend “I know what I want, I just need to find it…” is like waving a red flag at a bull. What mother or best friend doesn’t think she knows what you like or want or even worse what’s best for you? I can tell you from experience I nearly drove my daughter crazy trying to be helpful, and was woefully disappointed when she was not thrilled with my ideas and suggestions. And so like many mothers of my generation, I resorted to guilt to try and persuade her to my way of thinking and to my tastes. Little comments like “I’m just trying to be helpful but you obviously know so much more than I do…” Well, duh! Of course she knew more than me it was her dream! What she didn’t know was how to communicate what she really wanted.

Creating a scrapbook gives you a visual map of your tastes. I think the real trick is to keep your logical brain out of the process. The idea is not to create but to define and again it’s all about you. Do you lean toward a classic or a simple sophisticated look? A country casual or metropolitan flair; traditional, contemporary or off the wall, there is no right or wrong, no budget, no one else to please.

I think it’s important to use a variety of magazines and catalogs. Pick up a couple of each bridal, home and garden and fashion magazines and a catalog like Spiegel, Sears, JC Penny’s, or Ikea. Go through and cut everything you like out and don’t think about it, if you think your logical brain will kick in and take over. Forget you live in a tiny apartment or with roommates, forget you can’t afford to even step foot in the store that carries the item you like, forget you’re to fat, to thin, to tall, short it doesn’t matter. If you like it, cut it out. That means everything, dresses, hair styles, bridesmaids dresses, furniture, bedding, tuxedos, rings, locations, linens, tents, chairs, tables, flowers, cakes, food, favors, musicians, DJ’s, dancing, dining, limos, carriages, The only rule is you like it, you cut it!

Now that you are buried in a mountain of cutouts, get your scrapbook and glue and start sorting. Sort by category, grouping wedding gowns together, bridesmaid dresses together, furniture etc. You get the idea. When you have finished your scrapbook put it aside for a day or so. This may sound silly after all that work but try not to look at it right away. Why? Your logical brain is screaming “Enough already, I gotta’ take over! Keep going and you’ll start second guessing your choices. The whole point is not to be practical. It doesn’t matter whether you can afford it, wear it or even find it where you live; the point is you like it.

Now it’s time. Get your scrapbook, a pen and a piece of paper, get comfortable and get ready to look for the common denominator. What you have done by putting this seemingly mish mash of cutout pictures together, is to begin to define your personal taste and style. Each group of pictures will have a common factor. Your style will pop out. There will be something similar in every grouping of pictures. It may be a color, a design, an attitude, a time of day, or a place, I guarantee there you will find your style.

For example, if you find that evening seems to dominate your wedding pictures perhaps it’s an evening wedding you want. What is similar in the gowns you’ve chosen? Are the styles similar or is each different in style but all have intricate detailing such as beading or lace work; maybe it’s the way the neckline is cut or the look of the back or bustle of the dress. If you can’t find it, set it aside there is something else that drew you to that picture. Maybe it’s the hair or the makeup, maybe it’s just the attitude or how the picture makes you feel. Once you start to see a pattern, you’re on your way to the wedding you really want.

This is the condensed version of the scrapbook method of defining your style, to get the whole enchilada you’ll have to buy the book!

© 2008 Mary Spies All rights Reserved

Posted in planning | 1 Comment »

Congratulations,You’re Getting Married! Now What?

Congratulations, you’re getting married! Okay he popped the question, you said yes, freinds and family have been told the news and now… what? Where to start?

Time and Budget. Regardless of your budget, and you do need a budget, you can have a dream wedding provided you give yourself enough time. With the wedding industry generating between 35-50 billion dollars a year in the United States alone and the cost of the average middle income wedding continuing to rise, it’s little wonder that so many brides are looking for cost cutting alternatives. From the first time bride, to the baby boomer’s encore wedding, the small budget weddings are making their way into the spotlight. The days when mom and dad picked up the tab for everything are slowly becoming a thing of the past for the independent bride. Couples are sharing the costs and calling all the shots or at least trying.

Let’s get statistical. The first time bride is 24 - 26 years old; her groom is 26 - 28. The encore bride and groom are 33 - 36 and 37 - 39 respectively and more than half of the encore couples have children. These independent couples have their feet on the ground and are keeping their money in their pockets. And as much as they would like the fantasy wedding they want the fantasy home, vacation or kid’s education even more. The term low-budget wedding is relative of course, but generally speaking articles dealing with low budget weddings are about budgets in the $10,000 - $15,000 range.

However, the woman whose annual gross income is only $35,000 or less is not likely to look at the $10,000 range as low budget. Most working couples who plan to pay for the wedding themselves do not have $10,000 to $15,000 saved for the occasion and coming up with that amount of money in a relatively short amount of time (8 to 16 months) is not easy nor practical. So what to do? Give up the dreams and settle for less? Don’t even think it!

The wedding day is probably the most important day in a woman’s life with the exception of the day she becomes a mother. Young girls dream about their wedding from the time they’re old enough to play dress-up until the moment they say, “I do”.

However, once engaged and the planning begins, the phrase “I have always dreamed…” can quickly and with a great deal of disappointment be replaced with reality. A reality based on time and money. The cold hard fact is dreams can be expensive. Everything about your wedding, with the exception of the vows you make to each other, is all about money, and lots of it! On your wedding day you can expect to spend for each guest anywhere from $15 to $500 and up depending on the food, drink and entertainment you are providing. And yes, you have to count the children, the spouses and the plus one’s.

Industry statistics show the average wedding will run anywhere from $17,000 to $30,000 and if you are living in a major metropolitan city you can expect to pay even more. Where is all this money coming from? It is not unusual for couples or their parents to max out credit-cards take out home equity loans or borrow from retirement funds, all this for one day! Your wedding, in all likelihood will be the most expensive party you will ever host in your entire lifetime. How’s that for perspective

In fact a wedding is the only time in a woman’s life when she is not only given permission but is encouraged to spend far more money than she actually has. So, why are brides doing this? Dreams and fantasies, it’s as simple as that. It doesn’t matter how silly or frivolous it may be to anyone else, it’s your dream, your fantasy. One florist told me “I tell the bride we can do anything her heart desires as long as she has the cash.” Unfortunately, time and money are usually the two main factors standing in the way of a dream wedding, that and relatives and well meaning friends but that’s another blog

So maybe you’re not a high powered, highly paid career woman, maybe you’re still paying off a school loan, maybe Mom and Dad can’t, won’t or you refuse to let them pay for the wedding and last weeks lottery ticket paid $3 and you got excited and the only thing your savings account is compounding daily is dust. The happiest time of your life and it looks like all you can afford is… well certainly not the wedding of your dreams. If this is you stick around and I’ll share the tricks of the wedding industry with you.

Got questions? Write and I’ll answer and maybe that dream wedding will be yours. advice@weddingsonchurchstreet.com

 © 2008 Mary Spies All rights Reserved

Posted in planning | 1 Comment »