Archive for March, 2008
Wednesday, March 26th, 2008
I was asked to design a ceremony for a couple who wanted something informal but interactive with about 75 guests. The couple had decided to have the wedding on the beach at a nearby lake. It was important to them that the guests felt a part of the cermony. This was truly 75 of their closest family and friends. Because the ceremony was held in the early evening with the reception following at the same location I came up with the Bonfire Ceremony, the fire providing both light and heat.
The Bonfire Ceremony is a wonderful way to include your friends and family in the ceremony and works best with a small to medium outdoor wedding. Before the ceremony a fire pit is dug (a free standing patio fire pit can be used for very small weddings) and is prepared with kindling or fire starter logs and is ready to light.
Before the bride and groom are pronounced husband and wife, the pinecones are collected by the flower girl and ring bearer or whomever the bride and groom designate. The baskets of pinecones are then given to the bride and groom. The baskets are placed in the fire pit by the bride and groom and together they light the fire. The officiate then offers a blessing, after which the bride and groom may wish to address their guests. The ceremony is then concluded.
Here is the ceremony for this wedding
Question - Who gives their blessing to the union of these two people? The family and friends answer “We do.”
Greeting - We are gathered here today, to witness the beginning of two lives united by love and trust. We celebrate with _ and _ and these witnesses, the wondrous and joyful occurrence that has taken place in their lives and brought them here today.
Marriage is a supreme sharing of experience, an adventure in the most intimate of relationships. It is the joyous union of two people whose friendship and mutual understanding and trust has flourished.
People say they are getting married because they are in love, but what a broad statement. I found a poem which I think describes it a little better. It is entitled Why Marriage.
Why marriage? Because to the depths of me, I long to love one person, with all my heart, my body, my mind, my soul…
Because I need a forever friend to trust with the intimacies of me, who won’t hold them against me, who loves me when I’m unlikable, who sees the small child in me, and who never stops seeing the divine potential of me…
Because I need to lie in the warmth of the night with someone who thanks God for me and with someone whom I feel blessed to hold…
Because marriage means opportunity to grow in love in friendship and because marriage is a discipline to be added to a list of achievements…
Because marriages do not fail, people fail when they enter into marriage expecting another person to be soley responsible for their life, their future, their happiness…
Knowing this, I promise to take full responsibility for my own life, my own future, my own happiness. I create my happiness and I gladly share it with you without reservation,
I take half of the responsibility but it is only together we create this marriage. And knowing this, the possibilities for us are endless.
Vows - _, will you have this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to live together in marriage? Will you love, comfort and honor her, in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, so long as you both shall live?
_, will you have this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to live together in marriage? Will you love, comfort and honor him, in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, so long as you both shall live?
Rings - With this ring, I thee wed from this day forward, you shall not walk alone, my arms will be your shelter, my heart will be your home.
Blessing of The Rings - The rings you have exchanged are merely symbols. But they are symbols of the unbroken circle of love which when freely given has no beginning and no end; no giver and no receiver; for each will give and each will receive. May these rings always remind you of the promises you have made; the love that brought you here today and the vows you have taken. May you share in passion and spirit, compasion and understanding, patience and tolerance. and from this day forward may you be known to all as husband and wife.
Collection and Presentation of Pinecones - Lighting of Bonfire
Bonfire Blessing - “May the blessings and good wishes of your friends and family warm your lives and help light your way. May your marriage never be cold and may you never face the darkness alone. ”
Pronouncement - And now, by the authority granted me, it gives me great pleasure to pronounce you husband and wife. May your lives together be filled with abundance and joy. You may kiss the bride.
Introduction - Ladies & gentlemen, Mr. & Mrs._
* I edited parts of the Why Marriage poem to fit my style and the couple. At the time I used the poem it was posted as “Author Unknown”. Since that time I have found the poem was written by Mari Nichols and can be found on several web sites.
© 2008 Mary Spies All rights reserved
Posted in Ceremony | 2 Comments »
Tuesday, March 25th, 2008
Beaches, parks, meadows, backyards and campgrounds are all popular choices for weddings. If you are one the many couples who have chosen an outdoor location for your special day. Here’s a tip to make things a little easier and more comfortable.
Outdoor weddings are wonderful but can pose unique challenges. One important challenge is lighting. Lucky for you there are now several choices available in solar lighting and though the initial cost may be a little high. Considering the multi-use options for holidays, backyard parties, camping and beach trips the long term value makes solar lighting a great buy. And here’s another tip: lighting can define your space which makes decorating an outdoor area much easier, after all how do you compete with mother nature?
You may think that with solar lights the sun will have to shine or you’ll be in the dark but that is no longer true. Many of the solar lights are not only solar “charged” but come with a battery back up. These little wonders will stay lit for several hours and since they use LED lights, the lighting is more than adequate.
I recently decorated an area at the beach using solar lighting and here is what I did…
Using several 10″ bamboo poles I drilled pilot holes for hooks which were screwed in at the top of the pole to hold the lights and fabric. The poles were driven into the sand using a hammer and a flat piece of wood placed on top of the pole to protect it while hammering. I then placed the poles about 5 to 6 feet apart and making sure they where at least 2 feet into the sand (for greater stability you can fill the hollow of the pole with sand).
To the hook I added chiffon streamers in the brides colors which had been threaded through rings and secured. I was careful with the length of the streamers so they weren’t blowing into fire-pits or candles. The lights were then strung from pole to pole in a drapped fashion and secured to the hooks with mini electrical ties. A series of smaller poles were placed with lighting as a lit walkway to the bathrooms and parking lot. Because the use of floral was kept at a minimum, only the bride, groom and their attendants had flowers, hand charged flashlights along with a pair of thongs were given to guests as favors.
I loved this wedding, the elegance was in the simplicity and the fact they did not try to compete with the location. They embraced the wind, sand and twilight and in the end they and their guests were left with a beautiful experience and wonderful memories.
There are several sites that sell solar string lights and it’s certainly worth the effort to take an afternoon and do a search. Happy surfing!
© 2008 Mary Spies All rights Reserved
Posted in Decorating | 2 Comments »
Saturday, March 22nd, 2008
I recently officiated at the marriage of a couple who had been together for eight years and had two beautiful children. It was a joy to be around this couple because the love and affection they had as a couple and as a family filled the room whenever they entered.
I worked with them putting together a ceremony that captured their love and commitment to each other, their children, family and friends. As they entered together I asked “Who gives their blessing to the union of these two people?” and their children, families and friends with the exception of just two people, all stood up and said “We do” and cheered. It was impossible for the couple or for me to hold back the tears. Knowing that they had the love and support of their friends and families made the ceremony so personal and interactive.
After the ceremony the couple who had not stood up came over and began to apologize, not for remaining seated, but for as it turned out her brother, who she felt was “rubbing her nose in his homosexuality”. The couple I had just married were two men. Again I wanted to cry unfortunately not for the joy that was felt earlier.
A very deep sadness came over me, and I wondered how an apparently educated woman could be so closed. She continued to comment that it must be hard to perform a ceremony that meant nothing and went against God’s plan. I could only look at her and explain that I had over the years received many blessings, insights and understandings but the one thing I had not received was the right nor the wisdom to pass judgment on any human being and certainly not the right to declare in God’s name that one person has not the right to love another. Her indignation was obvious and she left abruptly.
The point is, without your ceremony you’re just throwing a big party. Make your ceremony special whether you are including a large circle of friends and family or just a few who are very close and special. Tradition is nice but so is including and sharing the moment with those you love and who love you. A marriage is a lasting commitment between two people who are willing to endure the hard times, support each other in prosperity as well as adversity and to remain true to the vows they have taken. Gender has nothing to do with commitment or love. Perhaps society should concentrate more on reducing hate and ignorance in the world and let love thrive wherever it may be found.
© 2008 Mary Spies All rights reserved
Posted in Commentary | 2 Comments »
Friday, March 21st, 2008
Many couples are opting for an alcohol free reception, some to save money, others just don’t want the headache of liability. And yes, you are responsible for the actions of your guests at the reception and after if they have been served alcohol. That means if you serve any type of alcohol and one of your guests is stopped for driving under the influence or heaven forbid, they are in an accident you can be sued. Count on it.
Unfortunately, many people who are invited to a wedding are under the impression that they are entitled to food, drink and entertainment and overlook the fact that they have been invited at the bride and groom’s pleasure. Wedding guests are entitled to zip. How much or how little is provided is entirely up to the bride and groom. Shame on the guest who has the nerve to complain they got chicken instead of prime rib and punch instead of merlot. With all this in mind here are two great alternatives to serving alcohol.
Coffee & Chai - Before you roll your eyes and give that “oh crap” sigh, read on. I’m not talking about stately cups of coffee and tea served in little china cups with cake and biscuits. I’m talking flavors, iced, whipped, frapped and served in Grande’ wine glasses; garnished with an assortment of chocolates, spices and candies or flavored spoons. Believe me this is not only an elegant look but it is delicious, refreshing and perfectly wonderful if you are having an afternoon reception of light hors d’oeuvre or desserts. It is as always in the presentation. With the vast amount of flavors available from Irish Cream to Banana Fanna your coffee drinks will make Starbucks jealous and serving double duty the flavors can also be used for Italian ice. (How international!)
Frozen Punch Drinks - You’ve heard of “virgin daiquiri, margarita and such… Well, here’s your chance to shine. Don’t tell a soul there is no alcohol and I swear you’ll have people who think they’re getting tipsy. Again, it’s all in the presentation. Check in daily I’m putting together a collection of great iced drinks you won’t want to miss.
Just remember this is your day, your party and you can do what you want. So fasten your seat belt Emily Post we’re in the 21st century!
© 2008 Mary Spies All rights Reserved
Posted in Reception | No Comments »
Wednesday, March 19th, 2008
Your ceremony is the beginning of the most wonderful day of your life. It sets the tone for the entire wedding day. It is the smile on his face, the lump in his throat, the look that takes his breath away as he sees you beginning down the aisle. It’s your day, your moment in time that will forever be cherished and remembered. As important as this day is your rehearsal is just as important.
It has always amazed me that there is so little information regarding the rehearsal. Beautiful ceremonies don’t just happen. So often we hear “I wish I would have done this or said that…” But on the day of your wedding when nerves and emotions are at their peak, so many things are left to chance and unfortunately, often overlooked. Everyone from the bride and groom, their families, wedding party and vendors are expected to know just what to do, how to do it and when to do it and yet there is very little available on the rehearsal. Up until now unless the bride has hired a coordinator to oversee her rehearsal, she’s pretty much on her own.
In an attempt to give the bride and groom on a budget the same advantage as the couple who hires a coordinator, NW Bride & Groom in Oregon created a Rehearsal Guide. I have tried to include everything that will help you make your rehearsal a successful and stress reducing event.
Scheduling - Here is a word of caution if you are considering having your rehearsal on a Friday, Saturday, Sunday or a holiday. Almost 98% of all weddings take place from Friday afternoon through Sunday evening. Many officiates are now charging the same fee for weekend and holiday rehearsals as they do for the ceremony or they simply make it a policy not to book rehearsals on those days. So while a rehearsal scheduled on one of these days may be convenient for you, you may loose some of your key people.
Another mistake couples make is scheduling a rehearsal for “right after work” Forcing people into the heart of rush hour traffic all but guarantees the rehearsal will not start on time. If you have the officiant, photographer or other wedding professionals attending you may end up with additional fees if they are required to stay longer than scheduled. Many wedding officiants have additional duties or commitments and are not available until the evening hours. Some professionals have multiple rehearsals for the same day and will only be there for the time reserved. The best time to schedule rehearsal is before 4:00 if all the key participants are available for an afternoon rehearsal or after 6:30 and no later than 8:00. Although the times suggested may appear restrictive you will still have ample time for the rehearsal dinner and avoiding the rush hour madness. If rush hour is not an issue for you or your participants then your rehearsal may be scheduled whenever it is best for all involved.
There are some wedding sites that will not allow you to schedule your rehearsal too far in advance. Many facilities would rather leave dates open for as long as possible in hopes of booking another wedding. And can be a dilemma for you because it gives you only a few weeks to notify everyone of the rehearsal time. One way to avoid this problem is to schedule your rehearsal for early or midweek. It is now more popular to have your rehearsal and dinner a few nights before the wedding. There is always the matter of the X factor, that crazy unknown that can pop up at anytime or anywhere. Save yourself the headache by saving the night before the wedding to relax and if something does “pop up” you still will have time to take care of it and not become over bogged down, anxious or stressed.
Notifying Participants of Rehearsal Time and Date - Many couples also make the mistake of assuming those involved in the rehearsal will be available whenever it is scheduled instead of coordinating with members of the wedding party, officiant, photographer, ceremony site and family members. I recommend mailing a reminder postcard to all rehearsal participants including the professionals you have asked to attend. Be sure to let them know they will be asked to sing or recite their song or reading at the rehearsal.
Who attends the rehearsal? Only the people who are actually part of your wedding party. It is not necessary to invite everyone who will be attending the rehearsal dinner to the rehearsal. For the guests who are not going to be a part of the actual rehearsal let them know that you are looking forward to seeing them at the rehearsal dinner and give only the scheduled time of the dinner. It is always best to put it in writing, don’t just say the rehearsal dinner will be held at my cousin Eddies house. Who is Eddie and where does he live? Does he have a telephone in case your guest gets lost? The same goes for a restaurant, always include the time, name, address and telephone number and an easy to read map if your guests are not familiar with the physical location.
Of course you can’t please everyone, and often it’s difficult to get everyone together at the same time especially when you have out of town attendants but if you give people enough notice at least a few weeks and preferably more, you shouldn’t encounter any major problems. I say major problems because no matter how hard you try to plan there is always the “X” factor. Accept it now; there are some things you will have no control over. Be prepared! Breath into a paper bag, beat a pillow, find a closet and let out a scream then move on. Avoid saying things like “this always happens” “it’s not fair” “things never go right” “just once I would like something to go as planned”.
You are getting married. You are about to hear another person say in front of your friends and family declare they want to spent the rest of their life with you; you’re the most important person in the world to them. How much better can it get? So stop kicking yourself and those around you and find a way to make it better.
Regarding guest soloists & readers - If you have asked friends or family to read, sing or play a musical selection, or if the church is providing a singer, please have them attend the rehearsal. Contrary to what many popular websites say, it is not a waste of time to ask them to perform at the rehearsal. If they are too embarrassed or too nervous to do whatever they are going to do at the rehearsal what are they going to do at the ceremony? Believe me, you don’t want to be surprised during the ceremony. Know what they are going to do and how they sound and how they look before the big moment.
I can’t tell you how many times a family member has stuttered and stumbled through a reading or a friend wailed a favorite song off key, singing every verse written while the rest of us listened with embarrassment wondering why time had stopped. It’s better to know ahead of time and perhaps do a little damage control. If you don’t feel the person can perform without embarrassing you or themselves ask the officiant to put a limit on the length of the selection or ask him restrict it altogether. Putting the “blame” on them takes the burden off you and you are then free to sympathize with the person over the unexpected restriction.
Your wedding ceremony is so important give it the respect it deserves and rehearse!
© 2008 Mary Spies All rights Reserved
Posted in rehearsal | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, March 18th, 2008
What’s happening? Generally, young children will not share your understanding of the wedding but they will pick up on your excitement, fears and stress related to the wedding and this applies especially to toddlers and babies. Very young children are like little sponges; they soak up everything around them and usually have not learned how to process it all. Try to remember this is a scary time for children. A new parent is entering their life and in most cases they have little or no control over what is happening to them, so cut them a little slack. You may see bad behavior in a child that is normally very well behaved and if that happens sit down and LISTEN to them and then talk about what is happening to them. Please don’t say things like “For once in your life…” or “Do you always have to…” comments like these do not help and will only make the child more anxious. It’s unfair to take out your stress on them no matter how unintentional.
Giving children a major role in the ceremony may quickly become a chore if the child is not excited or happy about the wedding. In general it’s best to give a child only one active role and also to be mentioned in the ceremony, rather than to actively involve a child at many different points throughout the ceremony and reception. With teenagers, some care should be taken not to give them roles they may feel silly doing, like asking a teenager to carry a ring pillow. When asking a teenager to give the bride away or state agreement with the marriage, be sure the child is really comfortable with the role you are giving them. A child who is still wishing his divorced parents will reconcile may not want to give his mother to another man. Finally, remember that while children and the children coming into a marriage are very important to consider, the vows taken are between the bride and groom. The wedding ceremony is an excellent opportunity for the children to see the commitment that is taking place.
Dressing Children for the Wedding - I can’t tell you how many weddings I’ve officiated where children are either freezing because they have no coats or sweating and turning red because they are forced to look cute and stay fully outfitted while the adults stand around with their coats off and ties undone.
It’s simple; just ask yourself “Am I hot or cold?” If your answer is yes, then so are the children. Please don’t make your little ring bearer wait around between pictures and the ceremony or during the reception in a full tux with coat, tie and cummerbund when it’s 90 degrees just because he looks so cute. You’re just asking for trouble. Children can become over heated quickly and an uncomfortable child is a fussy child. Likewise your little flower girl should not have to freeze when it is cold out because you want everyone to see her look like a little princess in her new dress. Bring extra clothes, or a large shirt you can slip over their clothes.
Feed me! For crying out loud feed your children! Young children can not be expected to act accordingly when they are hungry. And just a word of advice; junk food and soda pop doesn’t count, there is a good reason why it’s called “junk” food. When your wedding is at 4 o’clock in the afternoon and pictures start at 1 o’clock, you have to figure the children have not eaten since breakfast and probably won’t eat until 6 o’clock when the reception starts. Good luck with that. Order burgers, make sandwiches, bring soup and have milk and water on hand. Just because you are excited and couldn’t eat a bite does not mean your children or the children in the wedding are going to feel the same way. And while we are on the subject of bringing things bring a few coloring books, games or toys. Keeping young children fed and occupied will go along way in making your day relaxing and enjoyable for all.
Participation In The Ceremony - For younger children, usually the simple task of holding the ring pillow or bouquet is enough to accomplish a sense of participation. For teenagers, the role may be as simple as standing up with the couple, playing the CD or tape of wedding music, or even just taking pictures of the ceremony. What ever you do don’t put the success of the wedding on how well the child does the task. Your teenager can’t take the place of a professional DJ or photographer. Younger children may get cold feet and become terribly shy. And using toddlers in your wedding is quite frankly a “crap shoot” you have a 50/50 chance of things going as planned. So just relax and enjoy the moment.
Mentioning the Children - It is important that children hear their names mentioned in the ceremony. Mentioning their name during the wedding assures that they very important and hold a special status that guests and other family members attending do not. Children need to feel special and it is so easy to sideline them during all the preparation and planning. If children are coming into the marriage, it is appropriate to mention in the ceremony that not only is a marriage being formed, but also a family - and then name each child. If a prayer is in the ceremony, each child’s name may be stated in the prayer. I also offer a New Parent’s Vow to couples that can be added to the ceremony.
When Children Tend To Feel “Left Out” - Most couples are careful to take the time to talk to the children about the marriage before the wedding day and involve children in some aspect of the ceremony. Where children tend to be left out is immediately after the ceremony. The bride and groom walk away and are crowded by “big people” with the children left out of the immediate post ceremony celebration.
Children tend to see the world as revolving around them - and the wedding ceremony as their day too. They feel very left out as the adults celebrate and they are ignored after the ceremony. They tend to be at a loss and do not know what they are supposed to do when the ceremony ends and when you think about it why would they? So often children don’t know how to express the fears or doubts they have in an appropriate manner and poor behavior results. This is easily avoided, simply take a moment at the end of the ceremony to hug the child or children, thank them for helping in the ceremony, and then tell them they are free to play, eat or whatever. This minute of recognition is very important and can keep all of you happy.
Non Ceremony Roles For Children - With many weddings, a good way to involve children (except the very young ones) is to give each their own one-time use camera and have them take pictures they think are important. It will be interesting to see what pictures they take and the photos can later be used to create a scrapbook for the child, a personal remembrance that will be special for them.
Whatever you do remember these little people are so important and are relying on you to show them how it’s done. Good luck!
© 2008 Mary Spies All rights Reserved
Posted in children | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, March 18th, 2008
I subscribe to many wedding magazines and one in particular has the most wonderful favors, bouquets and hors d’oeuvres. Unfortunately, all the wonderful favors, bouquets and hors d’oeuvres tend to be very expensive to purchase and extremely time consuming and costly to make yourself.
I recently came across a wonderful article in a magazine for decorating chairs with bows. After doing a little research it turned out the ribbon used to make the bows was an expensive French silk that had to be a special ordered because of the width and retailed for around $76 a 10 yard bolt and each bow required 5 - 6 yards (15 to 18 feet). A wedding with just fifty chairs would cost a minimum of $380… for chair bows! Of course you can use substitutes but be careful, go too cheap or sway to far from the size of ribbon and the look is lost and even worse your attempt at an elegant look will end up looking cheap and pitiful.
In my experience the best ribbon is stiff and the width size is 71/2 – 8 inches. This type of ribbon is not usually available in craft stores and when it is the price tends to be rather high. I have found several sites on the internet that specialize in ribbon and carry the extra wide widths. It’s worth the trouble to do a few searches before buying at a local craft store.
It is so important to remember that the pictures seen in magazines are staged for the photographer and are not necessarily practical or safe for real weddings. However, you can achieve the same effects if you are willing to think outside of the box.
I once had a bride ask that I decorate her cake and buffet table the same way as a picture she had found in a wedding magazine. The bottom of the cake and buffet tables were outlined with tealight candles. The picture had been taken at twilight and the setting was quite beautiful and very romantic. I had to explain to her that we could decorate that way but it might prove dangerous for anyone in slacks, longs skirts or a wedding gown, not to mention the table linens if the tealight candles were bumped or there was a breeze. We compromised, creating small florets of light by using mini cluster lights. secured with electrical ties to gutter nails. The nails were pushed into the ground to keep the lights in place, the clusters where then covered with small glass floral bowls. The effect was lovely and we achieved the same romantic feeling without creating a fire hazard.
I guess the point is, you can achive just about anything if you stay open to everything. Only you can limit the possibilities available. Stay open, stay healthy and smile, you’re getting married!
© 2008 Mary Spies All rights Reserved
Posted in Decorating | 4 Comments »
Tuesday, March 18th, 2008
Time is the biggest, most important factor in getting what you want. Give yourself enough time and you can have most of what you want or a pretty good facsimile regardless of your budget. That is not to say that you can sit on your bum waiting for things to fall into your lap. You have to make it happen. Don’t waste time doing nothing. If you want to watch TV, do something while you are watching. There are always projects that can be done well in advance and when a little is done consistently, a lot can be accomplished.
One of the biggest mistakes that a bride makes is to underestimate the amount of time any given task will take. I have seen the bride, her mother, the groom and attendants all stressed out, in tears and lashing out with tempers flaring because they didn’t allow enough time. I don’t care what the task is; whether you are picking up stockings or decorating the reception area, whatever amount of time you think it will take you to complete the task double it. If you’re unfamiliar with the area, the specific task or the availability of the product, triple the amount of time you think it will take to complete. This may sound ridiculous but consider this, you have no control over traffic, parking spaces, store inventory, checkout counters or the people helping you and the list goes on and on. With so many “X” factors give yourself the extra time. Look at it this way if it takes less time you have that much more time to relax and enjoy the moment.
Money is the big grey cloud that can hover endlessly over your wedding dreams. If you are on a tight budget you absolutely must know what you want. The less money you have the more important the budget. Any bride who thinks she has too little money to bother with a budget better get ready to throw her money away.
A simple rule of thumb is if you use words or phrases like; “could work”, “maybe”, “sort of” “it’s okay”, “I guess” or my all time favorite “On sale” you are not ready to buy, so don’t waste your money. The problem is that after three or four “maybe”, “I guess”, or “sort of” purchases you have already blown the money you could have used on the “Wow!”, “I love it!”, “It’s perfect!” purchase.
So now it’s time to look at just how much money you actually have available verses how much money you plan on spending. This is where you have to separate the dream from reality. Don’t pretend you have more than you actually have. That’s fine for daydreaming but the whole point is to get the most bang for your buck as they say and you can only do that by being honest with yourself and knowing how many bucks you have.
Financing - Start with what you have in cash savings. If you have a zero balance in savings then you have zero funds available, it’s that simple. So now you look at how much can you afford to designate monthly for your wedding. Again be honest, if you can’t afford to set $100 aside each month, then don’t put it down. Try for $50 that is equivalent to about ten latte’s; a couple happy hours; two large pizzas, a couple Chinese take outs… Remember this is what you are going to do, not your parents or your fiancée just you. How important is your dream and what you are willing to do to make come true? You don’t have to pay for your wedding all at one time. Obviously the longer the engagement the easier it will be to pay for the wedding without going into debt. Yep that’s the theory!
Family Money - As I said in the beginning the days of Mom and Dad footing the bill for everything is becoming a thing of the past. However many parents want to help and are ready step in when asked. If your parents are going help with the financing you need to know what you want and how much it’s going to cost before you go to them unless you want their help in planning. Don’t ask them to pay for the caterer without letting them know what the menu is and how much it’s going to cost. It’s far better to sit down with them and find out at least a ball park figure or how much they would like to contribute. Keep in mind regardless of your age or status in the community, at work or virtually any place else, you are still their child, so be prepared for advice, grimaces and sighs. Often other family members will help with the financing of the wedding. An aunt and uncle may pay for the cake; another may help with the photographer. This type of family participation is common in many cultures and can go a long way in helping to lift the financial burden.
Credit Card - I don’t advise the credit card method of financing your wedding except as a last resort. The last thing you want is additional long term debt that could affect your credit rating in the future. If you still think using a credit card to finance your wedding is an option, take a look at your credit report and that of your fiancé. The credit report can tell you a lot about your partner; things like are payments made on time, how much outstanding debt is there, are the payments made more than the minimum required and have they ever filed bankruptcy. If after all this you decide to use a credit card, take out a new card with a low interest rate and a set limit then stick to that limit. Keep in mind that whatever your limit is, you will be paying that amount plus the interest that is accumulated. Over a period of time even a low budget wedding can end up costing big money. If you can’t pay your credit card balance off monthly then have a definite plan for how and when you will pay it off.
If dreams are the design and money the fuel then details are the engine. Detail puts it all together. It is the make or break of a successful event. You can have all the money and all the time but if proper attention is not given to the details, your wedding will not be an event of which dreams are made.
Details are the look, feel and function of a successful wedding. How great is it to hire a valet parking attendant if you don’t have enough parking spaces, an outdoor wedding with no restrooms; an evening wedding without proper lighting; a wonderful menu but no way of keeping the food hot or cold? Details. Respect the details!
Of course it all comes down to knowing what you want. Plan appropriately and regardless of the time of day, location or size of your wedding you will feel in confident and of course beautiful.
© 2008 Mary Spies All rights Reserved
Posted in financing | 1 Comment »
Monday, March 17th, 2008
Congratulations, you’re getting married! Okay he popped the question, you said yes, freinds and family have been told the news and now… what? Where to start?
Time and Budget. Regardless of your budget, and you do need a budget, you can have a dream wedding provided you give yourself enough time. With the wedding industry generating between 35-50 billion dollars a year in the United States alone and the cost of the average middle income wedding continuing to rise, it’s little wonder that so many brides are looking for cost cutting alternatives. From the first time bride, to the baby boomer’s encore wedding, the small budget weddings are making their way into the spotlight. The days when mom and dad picked up the tab for everything are slowly becoming a thing of the past for the independent bride. Couples are sharing the costs and calling all the shots or at least trying.
Let’s get statistical. The first time bride is 24 - 26 years old; her groom is 26 - 28. The encore bride and groom are 33 - 36 and 37 - 39 respectively and more than half of the encore couples have children. These independent couples have their feet on the ground and are keeping their money in their pockets. And as much as they would like the fantasy wedding they want the fantasy home, vacation or kid’s education even more. The term low-budget wedding is relative of course, but generally speaking articles dealing with low budget weddings are about budgets in the $10,000 - $15,000 range.
However, the woman whose annual gross income is only $35,000 or less is not likely to look at the $10,000 range as low budget. Most working couples who plan to pay for the wedding themselves do not have $10,000 to $15,000 saved for the occasion and coming up with that amount of money in a relatively short amount of time (8 to 16 months) is not easy nor practical. So what to do? Give up the dreams and settle for less? Don’t even think it!
The wedding day is probably the most important day in a woman’s life with the exception of the day she becomes a mother. Young girls dream about their wedding from the time they’re old enough to play dress-up until the moment they say, “I do”.
However, once engaged and the planning begins, the phrase “I have always dreamed…” can quickly and with a great deal of disappointment be replaced with reality. A reality based on time and money. The cold hard fact is dreams can be expensive. Everything about your wedding, with the exception of the vows you make to each other, is all about money, and lots of it! On your wedding day you can expect to spend for each guest anywhere from $15 to $500 and up depending on the food, drink and entertainment you are providing. And yes, you have to count the children, the spouses and the plus one’s.
Industry statistics show the average wedding will run anywhere from $17,000 to $30,000 and if you are living in a major metropolitan city you can expect to pay even more. Where is all this money coming from? It is not unusual for couples or their parents to max out credit-cards take out home equity loans or borrow from retirement funds, all this for one day! Your wedding, in all likelihood will be the most expensive party you will ever host in your entire lifetime. How’s that for perspective
In fact a wedding is the only time in a woman’s life when she is not only given permission but is encouraged to spend far more money than she actually has. So, why are brides doing this? Dreams and fantasies, it’s as simple as that. It doesn’t matter how silly or frivolous it may be to anyone else, it’s your dream, your fantasy. One florist told me “I tell the bride we can do anything her heart desires as long as she has the cash.” Unfortunately, time and money are usually the two main factors standing in the way of a dream wedding, that and relatives and well meaning friends but that’s another blog
So maybe you’re not a high powered, highly paid career woman, maybe you’re still paying off a school loan, maybe Mom and Dad can’t, won’t or you refuse to let them pay for the wedding and last weeks lottery ticket paid $3 and you got excited and the only thing your savings account is compounding daily is dust. The happiest time of your life and it looks like all you can afford is… well certainly not the wedding of your dreams. If this is you stick around and I’ll share the tricks of the wedding industry with you.
Got questions? Write and I’ll answer and maybe that dream wedding will be yours. advice@weddingsonchurchstreet.com
© 2008 Mary Spies All rights Reserved
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